Saturday, August 15, 2009

Julie & Julia and "The Katie Project"

Charles took Emma this afternoon so I could go to a movie and I am so happy he did because I LOVED it!! Julie and Julia was so sweet, charming and makes me want to be a more positive and happy person like Julia Child was in this movie! It also made me reflect on my way home...
Since having Emma I have thrown myself 100% into being a full time mom. I even quit my job with TIGI to stay home with her so I could be with her day and night teaching her things, reading her stories, taking her for walks, feeding her, giving her squishy little body baths, and tucking her into bed each night. It has been a joy and something I will never regret doing. It is a thankless job however, one that doesn't come with raises, bonuses, or pats on the back from your boss but sloppy kisses and giggles from your sweet baby. No longer do I need to buy high heels and cute dresses because Emma doesn't care what I look like as long as I am playing in the floor with her and making funny faces. If I am being completely honest though I have my moments (OK, lots of moments) when I feel like I am doing a terrible job and dare I say it... even regret quitting my job. Most days I feel so overwhelmed with the feedings, the cleaning, the cooking and the kid babble that I could go crazy from it all! I feel guilty for writing this because all I have ever wanted in life was to have a family and raise my babies. What is wrong with me?
I know it seems random for me to be having all of these thoughts after watching a movie that has nothing to do with mommy guilt or raising a family but it did show me a glimpse into a woman's life who was positive and a go-getter. She didn't cry often or waste much time feeling sorry for herself but tried to make the best out of everything life offered. SO, with that sentiment, I want to be better! (let's call it the "Katie Project") First, and the top of the list, I want a stronger relationship with Christ. My biggest fear is that I will fail miserably in teaching my child (and future children) what having a relationship with Christ is all about and why it is so important. I don't care if my children are attractive or are the most popular. I don't care what career path they take in life but I do want them to have good hearts, love God above all others and through their actions bring others to his kingdom. I realize the best way to do this is be that kind of example. Charles and I have to step up to the plate and be that for our children or I fear what will happen... Second, I want to lose weight and feel more confident in my skin. Having Emma was a beautiful moment but what it has done to my body... not so beautiful. My goal is to be the weight I was before Emma by the time I get pregnant with baby #2. And in the spirit of not feeling sorry for myself I won't talk about how looking in the mirror these days makes me want to cry or how I don't want my husband to see me naked or how walking Emma around the block causes me to lose my breath! I want to be in shape and create a healthy, active home for my family. I want Emma to love outside play and vegetables and healthy snacks. I worry that I will continue to stuff my face and not do anything about it and in 10 years not recognize myself in pictures! Third, I want to be a better homemaker. I realize my hubby works very hard outside the home and is so tired at the end of each day. Somehow, now that I am staying at home my house is more dirty and out of sorts than when I was working. I need to find a system that works for me while not obsessing over it. I want to cook more. I love to cook and find a lot of joy in the whole process but with a baby it is a hard thing to do. So, again I need to get organized and plan our weekly meals and just do it already. I think this would really make Charles feel loved and cared for at the end of a long day. Fourth, I want to be a better friend while creating new friendships. I want to write more encouraging notes, be a better listener and be better about telling my friends how special I think they are. I want to develop new friendships with people around me and invite those people to do things instead of always waiting on an invite. I want to open my home up for play dates and dinners and get to know people on a deeper level.
So, I realize this is a big undertaking but I feel ready! I have my goals and my only choice at this point is to push through and be a better me in the end. I am not giving myself a deadline like in the movie because I know I will be a work in progress until the day God calls me home.

11 comments:

Becky said...

It is frightening how much we are alike....I am feeling the same way! I am determined to be a better me...Amy and I are going to see the movie tomorrow...so maybe with your blog and the movie I will be super motivated too! I LOVE YOU.....I am so proud you are my daughter! LYF..too much!

Jerilynn said...

Katie - everything you talk about is completely normal. My advice on the house cleaning is to make lists...but don't feel defeated if you only mark off one thing on a particular day. Find a NEW level of clean that works for you and doesn't stress you out.
I have become the queen of straightening. I only heavy clean if i know someone might be staying the night...needless to say - I need some notice if you think you might pop over for an overnighter. LOL
those green chiles are sight huh! LOL....they do add great flavor though - so we'll forgive them for looking rather gross!

Elizabeth Mullins said...

Katie, I love you SO much! I absolutely love your heart! You are doing a great job. I think everyone Mom questions themselves on a daily basis on whether they are "getting it right." I love that you want to improve and to do better! Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I think I need to go see that movie too!

Corbin and Amy said...

You are so sweet Katie! I'm so glad I know you. You have such a way with writing down your feelings. It's really inspiring. I love all your goals especially the one about getting to know Christ better. That's my goal too. I feel like everyday is the same and I get so wrapped up in taking care of Landen that I don't make time for Him. You are an inspiration:)

Mandy said...

I feel the exact same way! Being a mom is very overwhelming at times and you seem to lose yourself a bit! I will join you in my own "mandy project"! Let's start walking together, we live so close!

Amy said...

I love you so much Katie! You are an amazing woman! I am going to Mandy's on Wednesday to let the girls play. You and Emma should come along. I would love for us to start hanging out again. Love you girl.

Lisa said...

Katie...you are such an inspiration! I think we all feel like this most of the time...I know I do. I really need to improve on most of this myself too! Thanks for laying it all out there and being so open. You are doing a great job and yes, being a Mom is a BIG job! I would love to walk or hang out with you too...you are just a skip and a hop away! :o) Let's talk soon!

Lovetts said...

Katie, you're so inspiring!!
I also need to work on a better attitude with what I have been given. I am so blessed that I am afraid I overlook lots of things and take them for granted.
I love your honesty and I know lots of other people do to.
Love you!!
Brook

Andrea said...

Girl, you feel what every mom feels. Thank you for being real and open. You are so wonderful, I love our friendship! We are all in this together!!!

JBailey said...

I love you, Katie. You're so honest and real. Your blog is so fun to read... it's like reading a book - it just flows and sucks you in. :) As far as the meals go... I can tell you what has worked for us. Andrew and I are working full time and somehow seem to be ridiculously busy although we are cutting back this fall with activities... or at least bringing them to an order. Anyways, for meal planning look up http://e-mealz.com and tell me what you think. I'm going to post a blog about it this weekend!! I am determined!

Waggoner Family said...

My name is Robyn and I am a friend of Amy's (as in Amy and Corbin) and I found your blog through her blog. I wanted you to know that I love what you wrote about your goals. All of them are mine as well. I sometimes wonder how to do it all, baby, clean, cook, relationships with everyone around me and our Savior. Thanks for your thoughts they helped me as well! Good Luck!!